I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
