After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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