anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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