It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
