Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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