Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
