Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
