Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
