Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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