I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
