how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
