I want you more than these girls want KFC
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
