What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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