Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
