is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
