okay pat passed out under dana's car
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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