You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
