3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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