sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
