Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
