Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
