did you get engaged???
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
