I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
