I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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