Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
