Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
