he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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