I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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