how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
