You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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