when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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