You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
