We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
porn star boner night. come get it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
