Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
