Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
