Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
