it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize