I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
