Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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