the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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