I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
