i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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