You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize