who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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