So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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