margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
