My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
