i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
