glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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