I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
