i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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