Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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