is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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