she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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