apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
