At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Actions speak louder than pants.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize