I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
As shirtless as possible
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
