sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
