the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
