Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
