You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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