Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
How naked do you want me to be?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
