I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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