i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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