my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
is it fun? or sober?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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