You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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