So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
