Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
